" Nothing is more Delightful than to confuse and upset people"-Tristan Zara

Once again, the weather in this town is absolutely shit. Apparently the rainy season in the Southern Hemisphere has moved north excepts, unlike the rainy season in the souther hemisphere where ya know..... it actually gets sunshine between downpours......the sun got left behind. I really wish you could buy adult nappies that were big enough to stretch over the buildings to absorb all the rain, if not a sizeable chunk of it so that your rain coat actually works. Apparently H and M's rain coats arn't designed for Vancouver weather, despite the fact that Stockholm( the capitol) has similar precipitation levels to Vancouver, either way SWEDEN YOU SUCK!

I have been in my cave that looks like Coventry after the war aka my room doing my homework... or at least attempting to, in reality i've just been watching English telly, and eating large quantities of curry. About a year ago now, my brother and I were chatting about weird things that the English do/ weird English things that make no sense, or people cant comprehend and are difficult to explain to Canadian's/ they don't really understand and their facial expressions become absolutely priceless.

I got the Idea for this post when I was watching  Big Fat 90's Quiz of the Year and Mr Blobby appeared who I had not seen in about 8 years and just about shit myself due to being so scared. To this day I have absolutely no idea how I was A) not terrified of him as a child because i certainly am nob) how he was allowed on telly 3) who came up for this idea 4) how in the hell was he allowed near children.

So here is a list of things for my fellow expats to say/ do if they feel like confusing and upsetting people ( upset because they don't get it not because  your a twat)

1) watch trainspotting without subtitles
2) show them Mr Blobby or try to explain what/who he is and his presence in British pop culture.
3)Conckers, the childhood game
4) Explain the concept of Red Nose day, the facial expressions are priceless.
5) Tarts and Vicars Party, and how its normal for men to dress up as prostitutes.
6) simply say either of these two phrases " I love a good bit of spotted dick" or " I could murder a spotted dick right about now"
7)tell them about your primary school and how you actually have houses not like harry potter
8) Suggest Pub Golfing and how it works
9) Gherkins
10) Egg and Spoon races at sports day in primary school
11) try to explain that we sort of have 3 national anthems
12) finally, try and explain to them the concept of the United Kingdom.

there are a few more which i may add at a later date once I remember them

Now fellow expats, do and try the above because, in the words of Tristan Tsara, " nothing is more delightful than to confuse and upset people"