Saturday, 23 March 2013

School Angst courtesy of Trainspotting


Choose  a social life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family, choose a coming home at the end of the day without 400 pages of reading, choose bubble baths, fancy shower gels,  leather couches, and 
Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose  being student loan free. Choose a starter home. Choose  having time to see your friends.
Choose only having to look at microsoft word every 6 months if you want to . Choose having once consistent wardrobe and not the "normal human being look" and "hermit mode" . Choose holiday planning and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning without thinking "oh shit i have a paper due/ exam tuesday. Choose sitting on that couch watching  BBC world news cause you can afford to get that from your cable compamy,  and eating a steak pie . Choose going for a drink on a friday night without feeling guilty , having  dinner party in you home, which consists more that 500 bags of crisps and different kids of cake guaranteed to induce diabetic shock. Choose your future. Choose life.
I chose not to choose life: I chose something else, I chose to be a student. And my reasons? I thought it would be a good idea, make lots of new friends grow, develop, push myself so I can get a career one day...... and it was a good idea for the most part.... except now where i'm craving a steak pie with mash can't afford steak.... beautiful steak (drool)....... and am convinced that Microsoft word was invented by the devil and am desperate for a social life that is more than doing homework in various locations with various people. But who needs or want  any of that when you can pass out on a pile of text books and academic journal articles in your hermit clothes with a wisdom bun fully intact? 

Saturday, 16 March 2013

" Nothing is more Delightful than to confuse and upset people"-Tristan Zara

Once again, the weather in this town is absolutely shit. Apparently the rainy season in the Southern Hemisphere has moved north excepts, unlike the rainy season in the souther hemisphere where ya know..... it actually gets sunshine between downpours......the sun got left behind. I really wish you could buy adult nappies that were big enough to stretch over the buildings to absorb all the rain, if not a sizeable chunk of it so that your rain coat actually works. Apparently H and M's rain coats arn't designed for Vancouver weather, despite the fact that Stockholm( the capitol) has similar precipitation levels to Vancouver, either way SWEDEN YOU SUCK!

I have been in my cave that looks like Coventry after the war aka my room doing my homework... or at least attempting to, in reality i've just been watching English telly, and eating large quantities of curry. About a year ago now, my brother and I were chatting about weird things that the English do/ weird English things that make no sense, or people cant comprehend and are difficult to explain to Canadian's/ they don't really understand and their facial expressions become absolutely priceless.

I got the Idea for this post when I was watching  Big Fat 90's Quiz of the Year and Mr Blobby appeared who I had not seen in about 8 years and just about shit myself due to being so scared. To this day I have absolutely no idea how I was A) not terrified of him as a child because i certainly am nob) how he was allowed on telly 3) who came up for this idea 4) how in the hell was he allowed near children.

So here is a list of things for my fellow expats to say/ do if they feel like confusing and upsetting people ( upset because they don't get it not because  your a twat)

1) watch trainspotting without subtitles
2) show them Mr Blobby or try to explain what/who he is and his presence in British pop culture.
3)Conckers, the childhood game
4) Explain the concept of Red Nose day, the facial expressions are priceless.
5) Tarts and Vicars Party, and how its normal for men to dress up as prostitutes.
6) simply say either of these two phrases " I love a good bit of spotted dick" or " I could murder a spotted dick right about now"
7)tell them about your primary school and how you actually have houses not like harry potter
8) Suggest Pub Golfing and how it works
9) Gherkins
10) Egg and Spoon races at sports day in primary school
11) try to explain that we sort of have 3 national anthems
12) finally, try and explain to them the concept of the United Kingdom.

there are a few more which i may add at a later date once I remember them

Now fellow expats, do and try the above because, in the words of Tristan Tsara, " nothing is more delightful than to confuse and upset people"

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

The Transient Children of the World

It's a wednesday, I should be working  on  a presentation, or editing an essay, or researching another one to compensate for my lack of productivity this weekend but instead i'm sitting in a coffee shop listining to Australian alternative rock writing this instead.

When you do a degree in international studies and history you read a lot about ethnic groups/ minority groups/ tribalism.... the list goes on. Having spent the past few days at the beach, watching the ocean's tide come in and out, your mind starts to wonder. This time my mind wondered to this thought, with the world becoming increasingly interconnected, increasingly globalized, and interracial marriages becoming common, the world has given birth to a new ethnic group that is growing rapidly; The Transient Children of the World.

The Transient Children of the World, are a group of children who may be born in once country but have moved around a lot, have adventurous parents, have their lives in more than once place and don't really have a place to call home, they sort of do but not really.

For some of them, home is what ever their  passport says, some of them, its where they spent the crucial years of  child hood development. Although, some have a home, some don't have a home and some have many homes. Depends on the child really.

Transient Children tend to follow the same religion, travelling. They choose to practice this religion not by reading lonely planet guides or watching travel shows but by focusing their life around ways they can maximize travel, wether its by studying abroad, working abroad, or trying to plan what they want to do with their life around jobs that will take them abroad.

Transient Children of the World tend to be an very inclusive bunch of people for the most part who embrace all cultures and walks of life. In General, they are incredibly open minded, although there are some who are closed minded.

There are no chiefs or leaders of of the Transient Children of the World. They are each their own leader, guided by the planet and the random locations they find on google maps that they decide they want to explore.

Each Child has a specific bias to certain areas they wish to explore, wether it's deserts, oceans, lake. For me, it's island. I haven't got any clue why, but every time I discover a random island on google maps/ images it becomes on my list of never ending places to explore.

I am a Transient Child of the World. My passport(s) say Manchester is home, but I have no connection to the city. I grew up in a commuter town mixed with posh people and chav's. I lived in the middle of nowhere British Columbia... a place that is pretty similar to what pergatory is ( to my family reading this please don't kill me). I'm now in Vancouver, its a semi-home but doesn't really feel like a home.

The closest feeling I get to home is passing through the EU nationals line up at Heathrow but I can't really pitch a tent at passport control and live off of airport food for my rest life. Something tells me that British Border Control wouldn't be to happy about that.... or Heathrow Airport for that matter.

So, I'm putting my hand on the Lonely Planet's, "The Travel Book", swearing my loyalty to being a Transient Child of the World, to keep exploring, keep learning and keep meeting cool people.

Who knows,  maybe I'll find a home, maybe all Transient Children of the World will find a home eventually. In the mean time however, in the words of Hans Chirstian Andersen," To travel is to live" and my self nor any other Transient Children of the World are planning on kicking the bucket for at least another forty five years.

Saturday, 2 March 2013

The Best Place in the World: The Middle of Nowhere



Middle of nowhere, Hawaii


Everyone seems to have their opinion on where they think the most beautiful/ best place on earth is. So as a means to avoid doing Economics at all possible costs. Heres my two cents. Currently residing in the part of Canada is the " best place on earth" according to the lisence plate. Personally I would love to see the statistics which allowed this conclusion to be drawn because it's a bit of a obnoxious statement. Don't get me wrong, British Columbia is a lovely place, with lovely people and gorgeous surroundings, but it buy no means shits gold metaphorically and literally speaking . There are quite a few places that shit gold in the most literal sense of the term(countries that have high gold reserves) and Canada is not one of them, and according to the IMF the USA and India and Germany are currently shitting the most gold..... Anyways thats beside the point. 

Now approaching my 21st year of being a self proclaimed child of the world, and my interest in photography continuing to flourish, plus my travel hunger and sunshine craving I have been looking over photos from my travels lately and have now decided to be as obnoxious as the British Columbian Provencial goverment and say that British Columbia is not the best and most beautiful place on earth. In fact the best and most beautiful place on earth in the middle of nowhere so suck it Christy Clarke!

middle of nowhere, Oregon.
The middle of nowhere is not a specific location. It's sort of a grey area, I suppose the best way I can describe the middle of nowhere is its in the boundaries of a geographical feature (country, ocean), but if someone was to ask you to point it out on a map you probably wouldn't have a clue where to point to. The middle of nowhere has a bunch of hidden treasures, and has a somewhat untouched element to it. The middle of nowhere is not in any guide books, and anyone who has an encounter with it at some point in their life,  has a special connection to it. 

To cement my argument even more and to slightly annoy people who think BC shits gold ( im feeling cheekier than usual today) I will attack some pictures of my encounters with the middle of nowhere.

middle of nowhere, sahara desert, Egypt
Middle of nowhere, Greek mainland




middle of nowhere, Lake Kivu, Rwanda/Congo 
middle of absolute nowhere, Kenya.